Hesitant: adj. wavering, hesitating, or irresolute

Synonyms: afraid, backward, diffident, doubtful, half-hearted, lacking confidence, lazy, loath, slow, tentative, uneager, unpredictable, unsure, unwilling.

All of those words definitely describe cooking and me. Cooking and I have had a love hate relationship for as long as I can remember. I love food! If I could just eat and never have to be in a kitchen, I would be so stoked. Alas I can not afford to hire a private chef, eat out all the time, or force my husband to cook every night. The minute I step into the kitchen (knowing that cooking is in my near future), my heart starts beating fast. The main problem I have is fear. I’m scared that I will burn something or cut my finger off (the latter being a much worse fear!). Plus, I don’t have a ton of patience. Waiting for water to boil, is like a small hell for me.

To top it off I have absolutely no cooking skills. I have no idea how this happened. My mom always cooked for my family when we were little, so I had to have been aware of what she was doing. I can even remember helping at times. My husband is an amazing cook and I’ve watched him in the kitchen. I watch almost every cooking show known to man, and still I couldn’t tell you the proper way to chop an onion. Apparently even my ability to stir food in a pot is terrible. My husband always walks by while I’m half heartedly stirring a pot of food and says “What are you doing?!”

Needless to say, the cooking process is very frustrating for me. I refuse to eat the same things all the time, so I constantly find new recipes to try. You would think if there are a few items I can cook (meatloaf, lasagna, and enchiladas) that I would just cook those as often as possible. Not me. I like to torture myself. Not to mention those items are far too unhealthy for me to cook on a continuous basis.

So the challenge is on. Can I gain the abilities that I am severely lacking? If I gain some of these skills, can I then gain some patience? Can I then turn that patience into affection for cooking? Then finally can it all just taste really good and can I stop burning the garlic?